Born Without Enough Skin

Recently, an elderly lady confided in me that she had been born “without enough skin.” It took me a moment to realize she was referring to a psychological condition and not a medical one.

Being born without enough skin is a metaphor for expressing that we are unusually sensitive to what others might say about us. Sensitivity can be a good thing, if used in the context that we are being sensitive to another person’s personal struggle.

However, in my friend’s case, her sensitivity can be viewed as more of a fearful state rather than a compassionate one.

She had come to a point whereby she recognized how defensive she was to almost anything anyone might say. She took things personally. Her skin was too thin to serve as an adequate repellent to even the slightest criticism. Constructive comments or observations by others seemed to penetrate her soul and imply she was not good enough.

In truth, she had just as much skin as I do. What she lacked was the understanding on how to not let what people say determine one’s worth.

This is challenging to do.

When we were young, many of us likely heard that we were a good boy or good girl for cleaning our room. Such a statement made us feel good, and I’m not against giving children compliments. Children are fragile and it is important to build their self-esteem.

But as children grow, it would be helpful to get the message across that they are “inherently good,” regardless if they are able to clean their room.

Instead of statements that put behavior as an indicator of one’s worth, comments describing what someone has done or expresses how we feel would send a better message. Telling Johnny that he was kind or thoughtful for cleaning his room or pointing out to Mary that you were encouraged or pleased that she did her homework shows them they are naturally good.

It underscores their value not because of what they did, but rather who they are.

Invariably, we are going to hear statements that seem to say that what we did or didn’t do made us good or bad. It is important to know neither is true.

Neither is true because we are as God created us. We were fashioned in his image of perfect love and this is who we are. This fact cannot change. Many of us have forgotten this unequivocal truth, resulting in our defensiveness to what others may say.

Unaware of our perfect nature, we mistakenly use the world to tell us who we are. Each day something seems to break through to our heart and hurt our feelings. Yet feelings can mislead us and they don’t always indicate what is true.

We don’t need “thick” skin to protect us. We simply need remember that God doesn’t make mistakes and what others say has nothing to do with who we really are.